Casting for life

I’ve been thinking about roles a lot lately. Not the roles I play, but the ones that others play in my life.

Who does what in the movie of my life? Who do I turn to during an emotionally trying time? Who is my wingman when I want to try something new? Who is there to hold my secrets? To laugh with me? Who would help me bury a body?

Let’s do a little experiment. 

1. Take a look at the people in your life. If you were the main character in a movie, who is your cast? Write a list of everyone you think of—major roles, minor—whatever comes up or whatever you have time for.

2. Next to each person, jot down the role or roles that they play in your life. We aren’t looking for spouse, sibling, friend here. Go deeper. What do they do for you? When do they show up? And how? This question is in the present tense, so don’t project what roles you would like them to perform, but what roles they are actually filling right now. 

3. Now take a look at that list of roles and ask yourself if there are any you’d like to fill that don’t currently have a cast member attending to them. What is missing? Do you have a need that isn’t being fulfilled by someone? Do you love good belly laughs but have no one who can crack you up? Are you a missing a travel buddy? Passion? Art? Someone who keeps you honest? Note those roles—those needs—at the end of your cast list. We’ll get back to those in a minute.

4. Take a moment to reflect on your cast. Who is in a role that does not fit them? Is there anyone on the list with whom you are consistently disappointed in the way they show up for you? Is there another role that would suit them better? Do they need to be fired from the cast (not everyone gets a job, you know)? Cross people out. Move them around. As an old boss told me, make the job fit the person not the person fit the job.

5. For those you deem are in the right role, how are they doing? Honestly. Are they filling that role to their fullest potential? Could a slight change in description or performance make a difference? We’re not looking to ask people to fill a role they cannot, or don’t want to, but instead looking to tweak for optimum performance for all parties involved. Make note of any observations.

6. Now look at the roles that are vacant—the ones you wrote at the bottom of the list. Who do you need to hire? Who is already on cast who could take a second part? Who have you never considered for a role that might actually be perfect for it? Jot those names down next to their perfect roles.

7. Take time with these steps. Take days even. Keep adding people and roles and then rearrange them. Put it down and then revisit it. Play casting director for your life. 

8. Once you have your cast list nailed down, put it into action. How do you create agreement with each of these people? Do you need to have a conversation with them about their new role? Ask if they are up for the challenge? Were they already filling it—you just weren’t paying enough attention to see it? What changes do you need to make in order to create your dream cast? What support do you need? What resources are you missing? What boundaries need to be erected?

There are a million questions you can ask yourself with this exercise so see what comes up for you. Get busy and get curious, casting director.